Have you ever felt rage? Like that deep, burning anger that nothing seems to satisfy? I’ve felt that a lot lately.
Relationships are messy, and the root of indignation is often hard to pinpoint. Pain is so frequently wrapped up in a tangled web of subtleties: the roll of an eye or the whisper of words under breath. We want quick fixes. Identify the problem, apologize, move on. But sometimes it’s not that simple. There’s a give and take, and both parties have to want to make things right for true reconciliation to take place.
So what do you do if you’re the only one who truly wants to forgive and forget? How do you find closure? How do you move on when you’re constantly reminded of what you’ve lost? I’ve struggled with this a lot lately.
The answer is grace. Because only grace frees us from the injustices of others.
Thanks to Philip Yancey, I’ve been learning a lot about grace. Here’s what it means to me:
Giving up the right to be right.
Expecting nothing in return.
Saying “I’m sorry.”
A second chance.
A third chance.
Human society runs by Ungrace, ranking people, holding them accountable, insisting on reciprocity and fairness. Grace is, by definition, unfair.
I’m not perfect, and I definitely don’t claim to be perfectly graceful. That rage I talked about earlier? I still feel it at times. These cuts I have run deep, and it will take time for them to turn into scars. That’s what happens when you feel betrayed.
But having said that, I am choosing to forgive even if I get nothing in return. Because if God could extend his grace towards me, how can I not strive to practice agape love with my human relationships?