You’re an unruly beast, you know that? Tall and menacing, you shroud yourself in darkness. My mouth tastes your bitterness and my ears ring to your death march. You’re the surprise phone call I never want to pick up, and the friend I never thought I would lose. You’re the rejection letter, the “we-need-to-talk” text, and the dark spot on the MRI. Every time I see your face, salty tears roll down my cheeks, and my heart sinks in my chest.
“I guess that’s life,” we always say.
You go by many names: death, disappointment, betrayal. You throw lies at me like daggers: I never loved you, I hope you feel guilty, it’s all your fault. And for a long time I believed you. Like any abusive relationship, you left me battered and bruised long after you moved on to your next victim.
But I’m not going to waste my breath on you anymore. There’s really nothing to say anyway. The truth is you’ve hurt me, and you’ll probably hurt me again.
But, no matter how many times you knock me down, I will always get back up. When you let the people I love die, I will press on. When you reject me from that job I wanted, I will apply for another. When you pull my closest friend away, I will find a new one.
I will not let you steal my happiness.
I will not let you paralyze me.
I will not give up.